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From a mom who has experienced three radically different experiences with breastfeeding newborns, I can honestly say I’ve been there. And I’m not judging you. I am not a mom who had three fairy tale experiences of breastfeeding who is unable to sympathize. It is my hope that my varied experiences will allow me some credibility in speaking to the mom who is struggling not only with breastfeeding but also with the decision to switch to formula.
When Breastfeeding Isn’t Going Well
If you chose to read this post, then there’s probably a pretty good chance you are a mom who is struggling to feed her baby and the thought of formula feeding has crossed your mind. But oh, the guilt. Breastfeeding was supposed to be this wonderful and natural bonding experience you were going to have with your baby. Breast is best, you know. (Insert eye roll here.)
Though it’s true, I’m so tired of hearing it everywhere all the time. This whole movement of “back to the breast” has become extreme and has left too many moms feeling like failures or that they are somehow less of a mom if breastfeeding doesn’t work out.
“Breast is best” has also come to mean that “formula is evil.” This couldn’t be farther from the truth. News flash…we don’t live in a society with wet nurses anymore, and I don’t know if you’ve looked into the prices of donor breastmilk, but I’m pretty sure there’s only a select few that can actually afford it.
But I will stop digressing and get to the more practical points of this article.
Should You Switch to Formula?
My goal in putting this post together is to help the moms (and dads) out there who are struggling with the decision to exclusively use formula to feed their baby. I want to help you think through some important considerations, so that you can make the best decision for your family, but only you know what that is. While breastmilk is best for baby, there are plenty of legitimate reasons to consider using formula to supplement breastmilk or as an alternative to breastfeeding.
The decision to stop breastfeeding is a huge one. Why? Because there’s no turning back. Once your milk supply is gone, you can’t change your mind. So my biggest piece of advice is to really take your time in making the decision. It is not a decision to be rushed or to be made when you are feeling emotional. Do not make the decision in the middle of or following a frustrating feed with your baby.
That being said, I hope you’ll give these questions some deep thought and consideration as you reflect on your decision.
What is your real motive?
Be honest with yourself. Why do you want to switch to formula? Is it because your milk supply can’t keep up? Baby’s latch is just making it too hard? Baby is underweight and you’re tired of being stressed about his or her weight gain? You want your husband to be able to help out equally with feeding? Whatever the reason is, make sure it’s a legitimate reason and something that you won’t feel guilty about later on.
As a side note, if convenience or freedom is your main or only motive, I would encourage you not to switch for that reason alone. If breastfeeding is going okay, remind yourself that it’s only a phase. You won’t be breastfeeding around the clock and feeling tied to your baby forever.
Will switching to formula truly make life easier?
When my husband and I were deliberating over if and when to switch to formula for our twins, this was a question we spent hours upon hours discussing. My husband was convinced that formula feeding would not be easier at all because we would be prepping and cleaning 14-16 bottles a day (in the early months), and he thought the logistics of double bottle feeding was going to be a lot more difficult as compared to tandem breastfeeding.
He definitely had a very valid point. Had we switched to formula early on with the twins, I think I would have regretted it because I do think it would have actually been harder to feed them that way. I say this because I was feeding the twins by myself during the day when he was at work. If you have full time help, then double bottling twins isn’t a logistical concern and formula (or bottled breastmilk) might be a good option for you.
How well does your baby take a bottle?
This one may seem obvious, but if your baby hates the bottle and prefers to nurse, then switching to formula probably isn’t a good idea. If you still decide you want to switch to formula, I would recommend a very slow transition and making sure your baby accepts the bottle well before letting your milk supply go.
Is it worth the cost?
Formula is not cheap. Even the generic brands (which have always worked just fine for us) are expensive, especially when you compare them to breastmilk, which is $FREE.99. With twins, just do the math, and it will motivate you to try and see if you can get breastfeeding to work out as Plan A. 😉 Even if you have breathing room in your budget, you might still feel that it would be wasteful to spend money on something you can get for free (if you’re not struggling to make enough milk.)
Is it the right time?
Depending on your particular situation, it might make sense to switch to formula, but are you at that point? Maybe the answer is no right now, but yes in a few months. Again, only you will be able to answer this question, but as an example, we switched over to formula full-time when our twins were about seven months old. They were surviving, but not necessarily thriving on breastmilk, and I would say the same was true for me as the milk supply (ha ha, but seriously).
By that point, both girls were needing supplementation, so I was essentially breastfeeding and then bottle feeding right after. I wasn’t producing enough milk for both of them, and I was already having to wash and prepare all the bottles as if I was only doing formula. It just didn’t make sense anymore. I don’t think it would have been the best decision for us when they were feeding 8-10 times per day when they were younger, but at this point in our breastfeeding journey, the timing finally felt right, and we were at peace with it.
Is this the best decision for the family as a whole?
This is probably the most overlooked consideration and one of the most important questions to ask yourself. It saddens me to see moms do everything they possibly can just to make breastfeeding work, no matter the cost to themselves or anyone else in the family. While that is somewhat of a manageable thing to do when you have just one baby to take care of, I just don’t think it’s wise to be that adamant about making breastfeeding work when there are other members in the family to consider. I’ll use another example from my experience to illustrate my point.
By the time summer rolled around, my twins were five months old. After being cooped up with newborns in a typical never-ending Minnesota winter, my two older kids were beyond ready to be outside playing for the summer (and so was I). However, I was still tandem breastfeeding, and they were eating frequently enough that it was pretty much impossible to go anywhere between their feeds, and I felt like it was so unfair to my older kids. (For me tandem feeding meant I had to be at home so I could use my not-so-small and not-so-portable Twin Z nursing pillow).
As a result, I decided to replace their mid-morning feed for a bottle, since double bottle feeding on the go was much more feasible. The twins could still eat. My kids were able to actually go somewhere fun besides our backyard. And I got to be outside with all four of my kids at the same time. Everybody wins.
Are you having to supplement with formula already? Are you basically just double feeding?
If you’re already supplementing you may reach a point where you’re hardly giving your baby any breastmilk anyway. At this point you’re doing all the work of using formula without getting to take advantage of any of the benefits of it. You’re essentially double feeding. Only you will know when you reach this point, but if you have a peace about making the transition, then it may be the right time.
Is pumping an option for you?
Have you considered pumping and bottle feeding instead of using formula to bottle feed? This is definitely not an option for everyone, but if you are fortunate enough to pump enough milk and you have the opportunity, the will, and the support to do so, then go for it!
However, if you are struggling to pump milk, either because your release is too slow or you are too stressed because your baby is crying and wants to be held when you’re pumping, or pumping at work has become unmanageable, or whatever the reason – don’t feel like you have to make pumping work. Formula is an option to consider. For a good read and a perspective from an experience of exclusively pumping for twins, check out this post.
If you are hesitant to switch, what are those reasons why, and are they valid concerns?
Figure out what is making you hesitate, and get to the root of those reasons to find out if they are legitimate concerns, and then work through them. For example, is your hesitation because don’t want to be viewed as a mom who doesn’t breastfeed? If so, then the real issue may be your struggle with a desire to be a people pleaser and not whether or not to switch to formula. Filter out the excess “stuff” in your mind, and stay focused on the decision itself.
Is there a medical reason why you should consider sticking with breastfeeding, such as an allergy?
Is there reason to believe that your baby may have an allergy to formula? If so, it may be best to stick it out with breastfeeding. Or does your baby have some kind of medical condition in which they would greatly benefit (more than your average baby) from continuing to receive breastmilk?
Are you ready to give up the benefits of breastfeeding – weight loss for mom, increased immunities for baby, free milk supply, no bottles to clean, no bottles to prepare or warm, etc.?
It’s no secret that breastfeeding, when it’s going well for mom and baby, is awesome in so many ways. There are a ton of benefits to breastfeeding, and it’s definitely way simpler than pumping or using formula. If you decide to switch to formula, are you okay with giving up all of these benefits? Will you potentially regret giving up breastfeeding? If you think you might regret the decision, then I’d say you’re not ready to make the decision. Wait it out a little longer until you have a greater peace about it.
Do you have domestic support for keeping up with cleaning bottles?
This is an especially important consideration if you’re considering bottle feeding twins. Even if you just have one baby, there are a lot of bottles to prep and clean, especially in the early months when baby is eating every two to four hours. If you don’t have a supportive spouse or grandma around to help clean bottles, you may not realize the burden you will be walking into. Again, if breastfeeding is going well, or even just okay, it’s still so much simpler than having to do bottle duty every night.
Are you and your spouse in agreement?
If you and your spouse are not on the same page about switching to formula, then it’s probably best to consider grilling the matter until you can come to some sort of agreement. While it is ultimately the mother’s decision, since she is the one producing the milk after all, I still think the dad’s opinion is important, and you want to be in agreement, especially since you will both be equally capable to feed the baby and clean bottles after switching to formula.
Do you feel that you gave breastfeeding your best shot, and are you emotionally ready to give up breastfeeding?
This question is going to require an honest look inward at your heart. Have you given breastfeeding your best effort (without being crazy insane about it), and do you feel like you’ve tried everything? Are you at peace with giving up breastfeeding? I know it can be a painful decision to make. It sucks when breastfeeding is not going the way it should be, or the way it’s going for all of your friends who have an oversupply of milk and fat, happy babies. It doesn’t seem fair that it can be so easy for some moms and virtually impossible for others.
But you know what? It doesn’t define you as a mom. You may be tempted to feel like you’re not giving your baby what’s best for them, but are you always going to give them what’s best 100 percent of the time? That’s an awfully high standard to set for yourself. Are you ever going to give your child a cookie? Yes? Well, you know cookies aren’t the best thing you could give them to eat. You really should be giving them an apple or something green. I guess that makes you a bad mom. Do you see how ridiculous that sounds?!
Final Thoughts…
The decision of how to feed your baby, whether breastfeeding, formula, pumping, or some combination thereof, is yours and no one else’s. It doesn’t matter what society says, what your mother-in-law thinks, or how your mom friends might view you. If you decide to switch to formula, embrace the decision and move forward. This is only one step in a very long journey of raising your child. Don’t get caught up in the guilt like I did, and if you find that you are struggling with guilt, I encourage you to read this awesome article I wish I had read when my son was a baby.
Whatever you decide, I wish you the best, and thanks for making it to the end of this incredibly long post. 😉 I’d love to hear your feedback in the comments below or on Facebook. And if you found this post to be helpful, sharing on social media is always encouraged and appreciated!
Thank you for writing this article! I’ve needed to read something like this for the first few weeks of being a new Mom. I struggling through this decision and you asked the exact questions I needed to answer, solely for myself. Thank you again!
It’s definitely a tough decision, and I’m SO glad the post was helpful to you. Knowing that it helped even just one person with this decision makes me so happy that I shared.